Some things seem to last forever: the Rock of Gibraltar; wars and rumors of war; a bad penny; taxes; a boring sermon; a bad disk in a person’s lower back; a presidential campaign; just to name a few. However, not all things that last are negative. Jokes have an abiding survivability too. A preacher pal reminded me of one of the most abiding adages we male, hillbilly natives of Appalachia heard repeatedly during our youth: “The hardest things in the world are to climb over a fence leaning toward you, and to kiss a girl leaning away from you.” Before long, from personal experience, we boys could attest to the truth of that.

     One type of lasting things, I have noticed, is lists of things useful to our lives. Think, for example, of the Ten Commandments. First they were carved in stone. Then they were written on scrolls, printed in the Bible and along the way impressed upon our consciences. They seem permanent. Also lasting through time are the Beatitudes of Jesus. They stick in our minds they are an antidote to the “B” attitudes that we all struggle through in life.

     Another type of list that lasts is the collections of funny things that happen. One such list is one I first saw 44 years ago. The first copy I saw was hand-written, later copies were mimeographed, then photocopied, now emailed. Two of my friends sent me copies last week. It is a list of funny bloopers found in church bulletins and newsletters. The list is so old, I’m guessing it first appeared carved into stone tablets. I am glad it survives in all generations because it continues to amuse me and those who want to spread a little cheer. I am confident that almost everyone reading this column has seen it. Just in case I’m wrong, here are some of my favorite entries.

1. “This afternoon there will be a meeting in the north and south ends of our church. Children will be baptized at both ends.”
2. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.”
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
4. “Pastor is on vacation. Massages may be given to the church secretary.”
5. “Thursday night pot-luck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.”

     Recently, several readers have sent me a list of signs in the USA. These signs are reported to be true but I can’t vouch for that. But that isn’t the point any way is it? Maybe this list is destined for immortality like the church bloopers.

1. In a New York drugstore: “We dispense with accuracy.”
2. In a Minnesota funeral parlor: “Ask about our layaway plan.”
3. On a Tennessee highway: “Take notice. If this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”
4. In the vestry of a New England church: “Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.”
5. In a Washington men’s clothing store: “15 men’s suits--$100--They won’t last an hour.”
6. Finally, in the office of a Texas loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.”

     Our yearning for more permanence in life seems genuine and sincere. Maybe this is why the Apostle Paul’s words in the 13th chapter of his first letter to the Corinthian Christians are so treasured by his readers. After describing the importance of love, he ends his chapter with these words. “There are three things that last: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these,” he says, “is love.” I would like say a hearty amen to that! Start with love, grow some hope, nurture some seeds of faith and see what happens. They are all provisions for the long journey and they all endure—especially love.

• Back to Archive
• Back to Media Gallery