As you know, I am something of a “news nut.” I enjoy watching what is going on in the world. News sources like Time and Newsweek, daily newspapers, television cable news channels, etc. are of great interest to me. When I was a young preacher in small towns, I used to enjoy hanging out down at the courthouse on Saturday afternoons listening to the old timers discussing politics. They would sit in the shade and whittle cedar sticks. The cedar shavings smelled so good. The aim was to produce the thinnest ribbons of wood. They would also spit tobacco juice. You had to dodge that nasty stuff. The aim here was to hit real or imagined targets. Often their aim was not so good; what a mess! But the chief goal was to solve the problems of the world. Every Saturday they could do this to their own satisfaction by about 3 o’clock in the afternoon, at which time they would scatter wearily to their homes for a nap.

     I also stopped in at the town café early on weekday mornings to nurse a cup of coffee and join a younger crowd to discuss politics too. I was in my twenties and they were in their forties and fifties. We were all on our way to work. But we also had a nation and world to fix. Partisan politics were not so intense then as today. People were neighbors after all. They went to church together. There was friendly rivalry but there was a mannerliness about it too. I loved those mornings at the café because I admired my friends and appreciated what they meant to the town. Things are different now. I turn on the coffeemaker now and brew a cup. I sit down to view the morning news on a cable news channel. I watch a while and get weary of the yammering. Last week while the Democrats were having what I thought was an interesting convention in Denver many of the commentators were fixated on why the conventioneers were not serving up more “red meat” or insults and harsh attacks against the Republicans. The talking heads went on endlessly about this. They sounded like a bunch of butchers lamenting this terrible

economy and its impact on their business; ”Where’s the beef?” I feel kinda sorry for the media types who depend on people to behave like hyenas so there will be something juicy to report. One would think they could do better than that—smart people that they believe they are. Of course, I’m part of the media too. But I truly am smart.

     When I got bored last week, I began work on my own national health care plan. It is an unfinished plan, but it’s about as good as any of the others that people have been working on for 30 years to no avail. Here’s a teaser to whet your appetite.

1. Kiss a mule, cure a cold. I know this is a hard remedy for city folk. It is hard to find a mule in town anymore. However, it is worth pursuing. The trip to the country to find a mule will have a salutary effect itself.
2. To ease the pain of a bee sting, apply some freshly chewed tobacco. If you don’t have any, you may use some of your wife’s.
3. To stop chiggers from biting, paint over them with colorless nail polish. This will kill them and prevent you from itching to death. If you also want to make a fashion statement, you may choose the polish in your favorite color.
4. A necklace of garlic will ward off all kinds of ailments. It will also contribute to solitude and quietness.
5. To stop a splitting headache, soak a towel in vinegar and wrap it around your head. This is not recommended if your nose is shaped like a pickle.

     When I get this thing perfected, I may decide to run for something. I am nothing if not practical. I have a splitting headache and have a jug of vinegar and a towel—but my nose is shaped like a pickle. I am in a world of trouble and woe!

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