Call me old-fashioned if you wish, but eight babies at a time seems to me to be taking the Bible too seriously. I mean, when the Creator told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply,” I don’t believe this is exactly what was intended. But when 33-year-old Nadya Suleman decided to go for broke in the childbirth lottery, she didn’t ask me for advice. I would have advised her thusly: “My dear, here is what that biblical injunction means for you. Eat plenty of fruits, nuts, and green, leafy vegetables and pursue a career in mathematics.”

     Now don’t get me wrong. I like big families. I have known lots of big families that have been happy and loving and wonderfully successful in life. During my career as a minister, I have baptized lots of sets of twins and two sets of triplets. Those were times of great joy for all—especially me. You should have seen it. Arms and legs flailing away with me trying to splash enough holy water into the air so it would fall on at least some body part of each of the babes and not mostly on the people in the first three pews! I’m always the wettest one at the end of the day. The current drought in these parts would probably require an act of the legislature to suspend bans on watering for such a rite today.

     I don’t want the government to intervene in the lives of people when it comes to deciding how many children to have. When, a few years ago, the Chinese government decided to restrict families to one child, I thought that was far too intrusive. And I am in favor of fertility treatments to help those who long for children of their own but need help. I’m in favor of single people being able to adopt children. I’d like to just leave the government out of this. What I’m looking for is a little common sense. Alas, this may be too much to rely on. CNN is reporting that a 47 year old Saudi man has recently married an 8 year old child to satisfy her father’s debts.

     Back to the woman who just bore 8 babies. News reports indicate that she already has 6 children under 8 years old. It is also reported that she is not married. However, she does have a publicist and is rumored to be considering offers of more than a million dollars to tell her story. The ethical questions raised by such developments are complex, of course, and require serious contemplation. But, with St. Valentine’s Day looming, here’s my take on a common sense approach to making babies. Why not let’s try to keep some romance in the process? Valentine’s Day appears at least partly based on the old belief that this is the time of the year when the birds stir alive and start searching for mates. I’m not sure where the bees come in here but I’m glad to leave that to mother nature. I just want to say “Three cheers for love.” In the civilizing process it’s just not good enough to make babies even partly because it can be done and there may be a financial bonanza in it for those who do it. It’s not enough to create extravagant, multiple births even partly because they are cute when they march along single file, tied together with ribbons to avoid losing one.

     Call me an old sentimentalist or whatever, but mark me down as one who is on a crusade to encourage a revival of the fine art of sweetheartery. When children observe it in their parents, they are the happiest kids of all. When parents begin to observe it in their maturing, adolescent children, it will teach them to pray! And if you have a hankering to write a book and make a bundle of money, don’t have 8 babies. You will be up to your eyeballs in pablum and poop.

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